What's the difference between porcupines and Porsches?

Porcupines have the pricks on the outside.

I thought of this old joke (even though it may apply in this instance) when I read that Food Production Minister, Vasant Bharath, had a Porsche SUV as his official Ministry vehicle.

Another Minister, Emannuel George also bought one but since "SUV" stands for "Sports Utility Vehicle" some people claim that he is entitled to one since it is a utility, he is the Utilities Minister and so can sport whatever kind of vehicle he wants.

Vasant's case is a horse or, in this case, a horse-less carriage of a different complexion. One of his supporters argued that the Ministry did not buy any ordinary, run of the steel mill, Porsche for his use – they bought a "Cayenne". This is a variety of pepper and as Agriculture Minister Vasant is showing solidarity with the food-crop farmers in Aranguez by using a vehicle named after one of their products. Another person argued that Vasant had just come back from India where the hottest pepper in the world is grown. It is the "Bhut Jolokia" chili otherwise known as the "ghost" pepper. On that basis, they argue, even though many of us are catching our bhuts, Vasant should show solidarity with pepper growers by eschewing the Porsche and purchasing a Rolls Royce "Silver Ghost" instead. The "Ghost" auctions for only 485,000 pounds. Given the prevailing argument that his government may not have a ghost of a chance in the next elections, on his departure from office his successors could do what was done with the blimp and sell it for about one-fiftieth (or less) its value.

My only problem is that the Porsche, even with the name "Cayenne", is not really appropriate to Vasant's "big wuk". Since he claims that he is breaking new ground, Vasant should have got a Nissan XTerra ("terra" is Latin for land) or Pathfinder. Had he bought the Armada he and the entire government could have sailed to India and save us some money. Vasant could have tried the Chevrolet Trail Blazer on the basis he is at the forefront of agriculture. If he wanted to send a message of being ahead of the game and become better accepted by farmers, Vasant could have chosen a vehicle similar to what most of them use – a Nissan Frontier. In fact, that argument about being on the cutting edge would justify a Toyota 4-Runner. For trips to the deep south where it is easy to get lost, he could have got a Lincoln Navigator. For meetings with farmers in remote locations, the best vehicle would be a Buick Rendezvous.

Just to satisfy those people who believe that he is a mere Land Rover, or bought the Porshe as an act of pure Bravada, I think the Minister should consider the Ford line of SUVs, each of which could be important depending on the course of events over the next few months as things Escalade. He just came back from his Excursion in India and given the way his boss loves to travel, it will come in handy. There is the Expedition and apart from those with the PM, he has to expedite a lot of stuff in his Ministry and will take lots of expeditions to meet his constituents. And then in the next few months he will make the Discovery that the elections would be a Hummer and he will need to Escape pretty badly. By then he will probably be in Santa Fe, Tacoma or the Yukon sporting a Cherokee. By that time, who knows, he will have a Toyota To-sell.