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De Mighty Kevin sings

By Kevin Baldeosingh

Once again, it is time for my almost-annual calypso. But this year I have a problem. You see, my custom is to write a calypso which deals with a topic the real calypsonians won't sing, using actual rhymes, and as well as words they can't understand. From 2000 to 2010, this was easy, since the PNM was in power and only a couple of calypsonians were criticising the government or using words of more than two syllables.

Now, however, the People's Partnership is in office, so pretty much every calypsonian will be singing songs that badtalk the Government, although still with bad rhymes. That isn't my problem, though. My problem is that commentary calypso earns just a few thousands of dollars at best, whereas soca gets millions. And I would like to be a millionaire, if only so I could pay for full-page ads every week to badtalk herbalists, religious fundamentalists, and curry tofu.

So, this year, in order to distinguish myself from the real calypsonians and have a shot at getting real money, I am writing a soca tune which praises the People's Partnership administration. And, if anyone feels I've sold out, it's only because they are Machel Montano.

Paean for the PP

Lyrics by KB, © 2013

This year I come to praise the

PP

Not to bury it;

I here to raise the PP

From its hairy pit.

CHORUS: So if you like PP

Open your mouth

If you love PP

Doh spit it out.

PP is the best

(Bend over, bend over)

PP pass de test

(Spend over, spend over)

If you want to get big wuk

You have to like PP

This eh no joke,

Just look at Reshmi.

If you want big house

Grow pumpkin and bhaji

Doh try selling souse,

Just sell the PP.

You will get big contract

If you take PP,

You could get your back scratch

If you scratch back de PP.

CHORUS: Everybody in de

party

Build house, buy ah car,

To raise up de PP

Require plenty Viagra.

Embrace the PP

If things hard

Put up de tepee

And get on bad bad bad!

Kamla lead the PP,

Men do what she say;

They all stand behind she

So they could get pay.

Kamla is de queen,

She have PP control,

She de best PM ever seen:

So say Sugar Aloes.

PP keep Kamla smiling,

She riding helicopter;

Governance by liming,

Who could ever top her?

CHORUS: So if you like PP

Open your mouth,

Drive with de PP

Like a maxi tout.

Wine on PP all day,

Juk it up, juk it up,

Get pay to dingolay

For no wuk it up, no wuk it up.

You could fight crime with PP,

Just declare ah Emergency.

Lock up black men only

Plus a 14-year-old granny.

Tim get pedagogy

Because he is ah PP,

Anil get Sport Ministry

By sharing de PP.

Now Jack in charge of security

To stop thievery,

Except in de Treasury,

Is PP crime policy.

CHORUS: So if you believe in

PP

Spread de word to all

Preach like Pastor Cuffie

How Kamla stand tall.

Pray every day for PP

And you will get plenty,

If you want more PP

Just make your wallet empty.

Get in your section 34,

Volney have no PP,

Wine like a dirty whore,

And blame de DPP.

Anand like PP

So PP like he

As non-criminal AG

While Volney gone Crazy.

Get in your Section 34,

One fool fool everybody,

No such thing as worthy poor

Ish and Steve PP on we we.

CHORUS: So if you like PP

Open your mouth.

If you swallow PP

Doh spit it out.

Wave de PP

(Oil it, oil it)

Hold de PP

(In de toilet, toilet)

A nation that take PP

Will prosper and grow,

PP make everybody happy

From head to bottom to toe.

Larry tell we how or why

To allocate ah Budget,

Ten million was he bligh

To keep the country in deficit.

CHORUS: So if you like PP

Just shout it out.

If you love it deeply

Spout it out.

Woman like PP

(De PP stand strong)

Some men like PP

(PP can do no wrong).

If you good with PP,

You could get Integrity

To excuse Vidwatie,

With no legality.

You would get Equal Opportunity

To badtalk Hilton Sandy,

To analyse politically

With a PP PhD.

You could make up CV

For de coup enquiry,

All you need for degree

Is a friend with PP.

CHORUS: So if you like PP

Open your mouth,

If you swallow PP

Doh spit it out.

Eat ah food, eat ah food!

PP does feed you good.

Get on rude, get on rude!

PP give we good wood.

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