Thursday, December 14, 2017

Reparations reservations

 When the descendants of enslaved Africans receive their reparations, all their problems will be solved. Crime will go down, literacy will go up, and weaves will go away.

Afrocentric economists have calculated that western nations that used to be in the slave trade owe black people several trillion US dollars. They base this figure on the 20 to 100 million Africans who were transported to the Americas, even though non-Afrocentric historians say that only nine million people were sent to this hemisphere as slaves. It must be borne in mind, however, that non-Afrocentric historians get this figure from records, whereas Afrocentric historians get their figures from moral outrage and, obviously, morality is better than mathematics.

This is why Afrocentric activists, who make their living as Afrocentric activists, insist that the Western nations have a moral obligation to give trillions of dollars in backpay owed to the descendants of these enslaved Africans. While most of the persons who were brought here didn’t leave any descendants at all, moral mathematics means that the descendants they could have hypothetically left must also be compensated. 

Of course, this principle does not apply to those Arab nations that used to be involved in the slave trade.  From 900 and 1800, between five to 12 million Africans were sent to the Islamic societies along the trans-Saharan slave route by Muslim slavers, but there are no black populations in the Middle East today. However, the Arab countries do not have to pay any reparation for this, because genocide is only wrong when white people do it. It is true that geneticists categorise Arabs as Caucasian, but this is only because geneticists use science, which is a racist western concept, as proven by the fact that Neil deGrasse Tyson is the only black scientist in the Cosmos.

Similarly, the African rulers who sold other Africans to the European and Arab slave traders also do not have to pay reparations to their descendants in the Americas, except Argentina. The descendants of the rulers of the Asante, Akyem and Akwamu chiefdoms, which were major suppliers of slaves, only did so because the Europeans paid them, while the Aro clans should be forgiven because they had a really good oracle. 

Additionally, as novelist Earl Lovelace has pointed out, reparations will also have psychological benefits. Once they receive their trillions, every person of African descent will be able to wear belts. This will allow them to stand proud like Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and Mr Bean, knowing that they don’t have to play Lotto anymore. Most importantly, these African descendants will have confirmed that they were victims, just like the Jews, but with fewer Nobel prizes.

The Jews were compensated because the Nazis stole their jewelry, paintings, property and bank accounts, which allowed calculations of the debt owed to them. But Africans lost their freedom, upon which no price can be put, unless you use moral economics, which works out to several trillion dollars and a lifetime supply of yam.

Of course, once the reparations are paid, it is important that the money goes to the right people. This is why debt forgiveness won’t work, because in Trinidad and Tobago this would mean that Indians, Syrians and even white people would benefit financially. Scholarships for those who need academic assistance is a more effective way to pay the compensation, since this would ensure that black boys become as bright as Chinese, Indian, white, and black girls.

It is therefore good news for all African people in the region that Caricom has taken up the reparations cause, and they should expect to get their money some time before the sun goes supernova.