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Books and other gifts

By Keith Subero

Sincere wishes!
I have always encouraged my family and friends to cultivate the discipline of reading everything at hand—every day. I know that given the daily demands of office many persons in public life find it hard to find reading time.
Yet it is in this context that I prepared my Christmas gift list to some chosen public persons in the hope that they do find time to read my gifts (all available from Amazon, of course) and take advantage of my suggestions for book contracts, career changes and the use of resignation forms.
• To the President—A copy of the book, T&T Society—the latest edition.
• The Chief Justice— Judicial Delivery Calendar (The 2014 Believable Edition).
• House Speaker—An upgrade of the EMBA degree to an honorary UWI doctorate, after he has written a three-paragraph thesis on “How to obtain a ‘charity’ degree, without doing course work, and still continue as an Honourable Speaker”.
• The Prime Minister—(a) A copy of The Guide to Appropriate African Funeral Attire; (b) The Everyday Pocket Diary on Practical Governance vs Phony PR; (c) “Thank You” notes for her enjoyable Christmas gifts of oil, flour and rice.
• The Attorney General—Book contracts for (a) Real Estate Marketing: One Easy Way to Succeed; (b) Pre-action Protocol Letters Made Easy; (c) How to Select a $53 Million Legal Team; (d) and A “charity” entry—using his office letterhead, of course—into UWI’s new programme, “AG, Finishing School—For Beginners”.
• Leader of the Opposition—A copy of the book, Only Way to Re-brand a Political Party: Change the Leader’s Balisier Tie.
• PNM’s Penny Beckles-Robinson—An invitation to a curry duck lime in her home town, Arima.
• The Congress of the People—An official death certificate.
• The National Security Minister—After he thrashed the OPVs and SAUTT, his reading list should include the book, Where am I? Please Help!
• The acting Commissioner of Police—the books What is crime? —2014 edition, and Stop Acting, Start Working, Start Motivating.
• Minister of Finance—Copies of the books, How to say ‘No’ to the Excesses of a Prime Minister and the Cabal, and Simple Clues to Understanding T&T’s Economy.
• The Education Minister, who has just given the American firm “Project Happiness” a contract to teach happiness in our schools—A copy of the book, Time to Smile, and Leave the Job.
• Sport Minister—A copy of the book, Sorry, But I Enjoy the Mess I Have Made—December edition.
• The Minister of Labour—A copy of the book, Abandon Labour, Look Up to the Prime Minister.
• The Minister of Gender and Youth Affairs—A copy of the book, Help: We are in Danger.
• The Minister of Local Government—A copy of the book, I Am No Dull School Mistress, But Do What I Say.
• The new Information Minister—The books, What is Information? and What de Hell I Get Into?
• The former lead investigator in “Emailgate”, now head of the Police Rapid Response Unit: An e-mail greeting from “Emailgate”: “Thanks for your rapid response”.
But beyond the reading material there are other gifts.
• The UWI—A new image, after the destruction of its 65-year-old reputation.
• Principal of UWI’s St Augustine campus, and executive director of the Arthur Lok Jack Business School—The Standard Resignation Forms, available in every office of principle.
• The executive members of the UWI Alumni Association—A standard, ten-year invitation to all university cocktail and all-you-can-eat parties.
• The Central Bank Governor, after his launch last week of the bank’s National Monetary Policy Report in the Prime Minister’s constituency in Debe—A series of Central Bank sub-offices throughout all UNC constituencies, with headquarters in Siparia.
• Jack Warner—A reminder: The Central Bank has agreed with the US Internal Revenue Service for the “Foreign Account Tax Compliance Act” to be applicable from January 1.
• The Law Association, now on life-support: a miracle revival crusade.
• The Environment Minister—A reminder: your promise, “Water for all in 2000”.
• The Mayor of Port of Spain…Mayor who? The City’s Recognition Award.
• Executives in the 23 State Enterprises where corruption has been identified—Advice: Forge new qualifications.
• The Housing Minister—A personal fourth-generation Range Rover L405—not courtesy taxpayers—but facilitated by the Housing Development Corporation and its chairman, a former CEPEP contractor.
• The Minister of Food Production —The full use of the multi-million-dollar Porsche, purchased by a former minister, so that he can travel in style as he grants leases to Caroni Ltd ex-employees.
• The Trade Minister—Another multi-million-dollar Porsche; this time for his new ministry.
Merry Christmas, I hope that they all take my advice and enjoy their reading and other gifts.
• Keith Subero, a former
Express news editor, has since followed a career in
communication and management
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