Carlet Holder can turn on the light in a room without using a switch. She is a live-wire. Long curly dreadlocks, blond to the front, black to the back, crazy clothes, funky shoes, far-out jewelry, glittery two-inch airbrushed psychedelic nails, and eyebrows pencilled in extra high for emphasis-you can’t miss her.

An on and off again fashion designer who spent many years in New York City where she was known as Third Eye, the name of her short-lived clothing line, she packed up all her belongings and returned home to Trinidad and ended up as head of entertainment news at Synergy TV.

If you have never seen her, chances are, you have heard about her. Her eclectic style and over-the-top personality makes good gossip-she is very entertaining. She also knows how to tell a story. She can make her voice dance. Everything that comes out of her mouth is flooded with colour. She is so full of energy that I will hedge a bet that her sweat tastes like the energy drink Red Bull.

A colourful character, with a great aura, so full of life and a love for life, Carlet is now fighting for her own life. ’In early September, I was diagnosed with lupus,’ she says as we sit, six days after she turned 39, talking about how her life changed in the last three months.

’I had never felt this kind of pain. It is indescribable. My joints started to swell. I felt like an old person; like I was doing everything in slow motion. For a woman who has lived her life in fast forward, from the day she was born, being slowed down felt like living life in a coma. ’I couldn’t even lift a teacup.’

Not even her creative flair for make-up application could mask the pain on her face. ’My eyes were bright red and everyone was asking me what’s wrong.’  She had tried everything from aspirin to acupuncture, but those constant emergency room visits got her thinking. ’One minute, it was my left side, then my right side, then both sides.’

After a battery of blood tests, it was confirmed lupus. It is a chronic disease that attacks the immune system. An attack, called a flare, can last weeks, even years. Lupus weakens the immune system and the body struggles to fight off viruses, bacteria, and germs. A common cold can wreck havoc on her.

Her doctor, Harold L. Nunes, a long time family friend provided an environment of care and comfort that softened the diagnosis. With her test results in hand, she stepped into the unknown. Everyday is a new day, and a new complication. She no longer knows her body and it scares her. ’I fear that if I don’t get a grip on it I will suffer. It attacks your internal and vital organs and that can lead to more serious complications.’

She is being treated with steroids. And while the medication is easing the pain it’s doing nothing to calm her mind. ’It plays with your mind. Mentally, you are affected.’ But she is not prepared to let lupus get the better of her. ’It makes you want to do some crazy stuff,’ she says. ’It can really change your personality. It is a weird disease, people feel like they are going off.’

In two weeks, she returns to work, at Synergy TV, and doesn’t know what to expect from her co-workers or her body. After working in New York for some 13 years at Associated Press where she was executive assistant to the vice-president of communication and technology and office manager, she knows this is not the United States where persons with illnesses such as lupus are covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act where reasonable accommodations are made to ensure a friendly workplace.

Known for her up-in-your-face attitude and won’t-back-down interviewing style, she says, ’I have to be more laid back, more relaxed, I have to delegate more.’ The million-dollar question is whether she actually knows the meaning of relax. ’I really have to try not to be super woman,’ she laments as she expresses how the constant fatigue takes a toll on everything from your sex life to your work life. This is the first time in her life she knows fear.

’I fear for my heart because lupus affects blood flow to the heart.’ It is an agonizing thought that she takes to bed.

In the four weeks she has been on sick leave, she has done much introspection and self-reflection and has also found a new purpose and a renewed spirit. Her first step was going public with her illness although she is so very popular. And her next step is to bring further awareness to the illness. ’Awareness and education are missing. I’m prepared to be that voice.’

Renee Cummings MA, MS, MSED, CRC is a

criminologist,

psychologist,

rehabilitation specialist, and substance abuse

therapist. She is also a television and radio

personality who just

cannot get journalism

out of her blood