American Idol judge and annihilator of many would-be stars’ dreams, Simon Cowell recently wrote a letter to himself. Actually, the letter is to his ’shallow, reckless, cocky younger self.’ The letter was written to celebrate his birthday this year. In the letter, Cowell takes aim at his youthful version and chastises him for the mistakes and choices that he made. Indeed it is, in a way, an exercise in self-reflection.
I thought it an interesting idea and wondered what I would say to my younger self about the decisions that I have made over the years and whether I would have done things differently, had I known what I do now.
I write this, with thoughts of my 20-year-old niece, Lauren and 21-year-old nephew, Jared. They are now at the age where they are starting to make their own decisions about their lives, as they become young adults. They can now legally do many things, without having the consent of their parents.
In particular, Jared has been going through a period of self-doubt. He is in his final year of his engineering degree and just before the semester started, he really didn’t want to continue. He really was not sure if that was what he wanted to do. But having spent three years at University already, it really didn’t make sense for him to quit at this stage. So having listened to the advice of his elders, he will complete his degree and then decide if there was something else he would like to do.
Unlike Cowell, my younger self was not reckless or cocky. I think I was just the opposite. So here is the letter to my cautious, unadventurous, younger self.
Hey there:
Yes, you. The one with the unlined brow and that wavy hair (no doubt from your latest perm disaster in your hairdresser’s chair).
You’re 21 years old and you’ve just finished your first degree. The world seems so open to you, right now. You are going to make a lot of mistakes, some of which you will learn from, while others you are doomed to repeat.
But even as I tell you that, don’t worry about making the mistakes. They will provide you with learning experiences that will last your entire life. I believe that you are too cautious about everything in life. You need to learn to live a little. Let go of some of your unadventurous ways and explore some more. I am not advising you to be reckless, just know that taking a risk sometimes, can reward you in ways you can never imagine.
Since you are me, I know what your problem is. You are just too afraid to fail. You’re fearful of tasting the bitterness of defeat. But you have to realise that it is the journey, not the outcome that will be the most worthwhile part of it all. And even if you do fail, that’s okay, too. There are many things that can be learned from failure.
Perhaps you’re scared to find out that you are not the best. So what? Not everyone can be the best. There will always be those who are better than you at certain things and you may be better at other things. Tiger Woods is considered the best at what he does, yet sometimes, he too fails. The secret is not to wallow in the failure but to pick yourself up and try again. Failure, indeed, can make you a stronger person.
Stop allowing people to walk all over you. You are just too nice. You’re too worried about what people will think about you. Just know that in most cases, they’re not even thinking about you at all, since they are so wrapped up in their own egos.
Learn to say ’no.’ It’s a simple word but packs so much punch because it will stop others from taking advantage of your trusting, easy-going nature. It will save you from lots of stress, later.
While you’re at it, stand up for what you believe in and fight for what is your due. Wake up, little girl, you need to become more assertive because no one is going to give you anything on a silver platter. You have to strive for what you want but remember, it should not be achieved by hurting and stepping on others.
Relationship-wise, my only advice for you is to not allow anyone to rob you of your self-esteem. No man is worth it, if he makes you feel bad about yourself. That is just the formula for many tears and heartache.
And finally, my best recommendation to you is to stop perming your hair. The damage from all those perms took a long time to reverse. And, in the end, you will find that having straight hair really isn’t so bad after all.
With love from your older self,
Anne
annecazeau@yahoo.com
