Tuesday, February 20, 2018

10 things you shouldn't have to witness on Carnival Monday and Tuesday


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Let's make this to the point. There are certain things that one should not be privy to, even during the Carnival season.

So here is a list of 10 things that one should never, ever have to witness during Carnival Monday and Tuesday:

10. Bonafide tourists wining! Period.

9. A 110lb guy who (SHOCKINGLY!) has moobs (male boobs…'A' cups) and plays with his nipples while dancing.

8. A woman with 50" plus hips wearing a thong with a two-inch wide costume belt.

7. A 6' 3" man wearing ONLY a red pair of briefs. Worse yet, he has stretch marks on his butt! Which man wears underwear on the road? Men usually wear a pair of shorts.

6. A bikini-clad masquerader who looks seven months' pregnant but isn't(!) and she is wining so vigorously that her tummy is jiggling like, like… What jiggles like that?!

5. A clearly inebriated female masquerader who slumps to the ground because instead of her consuming alcohol, the alcohol has apparently consumed her. She gyrates while lying on the hot asphalt as her friend tries to revive her by pouring club soda over her face. Sigh…

4. An eight-year-old boy being permitted to wine on his adult female family friend or relative – and him looking down to see just how he's wining on her…with a smirk on his face.

3. An intoxicated spectator, repeatedly and quickly pulling the elastic waist of his pants up and down in time with the music. Oh, and he isn't wearing any underwear!

2. A seven-year-old girl dressed in a bra top and shorts 'bubbling' like Saucy Wow on a special episode of Girls Gone Wild while her relative photographs her, smiling.

1. A girl who looks no more than 14 years old doing the 'back to front donkey' dance (positioning herself on a guy's shoulder but facing him) and as she goes to lower herself, the MAN bites her vajayjay!

Witnessing these things sure begs the argument of "how low can you go?" I really do object. Are some of these actions contemptible? You be the judge.