BRAZILIAN WAXING Benefits... after it's all done
Writer Nicole Farrell takes on a journey with her first Brazilian wax
No pain, no gain. That's how the saying goes. I experienced that recently. In order to gain — okay, it's more that I LOST. Yes. I lost my hair…after the pain endured for my first Brazilian wax!
I had been postponing it for months – okay, okay, years. I finally got the 'testicular fortitude', woman that I am. So I promised the aesthetician for the fifth time within recent months, that I'd do it; I made and kept the appointment. Well, I am not telling the entire truth. I actually decided that I would do an extended bikini wax.
As I settled on the table, I felt the cool breeze emitting from the air conditioning unit and said arrogantly, "Pshhhht! I got this!" My aesthetician came in and began a light chat.
She began applying the hot wax on my 'sacred' region. I had done underarm waxing before so the hot wax on my skin was fine. She ripped off the first two areas on my bikini line. I smiled mentally. "Suckeye!" She moved in and was about to rip off the strip. "This isn't so baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa - Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! What the - !" I almost checked to see if my skin was still intact. I made a weird sound that made the aesthetician want to burst into a laugh. She's a sweetheart though, so I excused her.
"No, you're doing fine, much better than I thought you would." she said. "Uh-huh. Sure." I thought. As she continued the process, I would occasionally stop talking mid-sentence to make that weird sound – which was like when water is being drained from a tub. You know the sound that emanates from the drain area? Yeah, that!
At one point, she was about to answer a question but she couldn't. She tried though; her lips were moving but no sound was coming out because she was choking back laughter. I moved my eyeballs from where they were rolled back in my head to look at her and realised that she was turning red.
The time came when she completed my 'extended bikini wax'. "Okay," she said as she patted me gently. "Do you want to continue and do a full Brazilian wax?" Instructing my eyeballs to get back into place again, I said, "Sure." thinking, "Don't be a wuss!"
In crevices that I thought only my gynaecologist and obstetrician would ever see, she applied that hot wax and ripped off the strips. Brazil has over 192 million people, right? Well, this Brazilian wax was ripping off the 192 million hairs that were actually there – and the other 50 million that were going to grow within the next however many years! Wow!
Then, the grand finale! "So do you want to continue? You'll just have to bend your knees and lift your legs because I'll need to get to the bumsee." Screeeeeech! Ho……ld up! I guess my eyes opened really wide and my face displayed an exclamation of its own because my aesthetician doubled over and couldn't speak for several seconds. "Uh uh! No! That's it!" I wanted to make it abundantly clear because I had mentally said words and phrases that would make Eddie Murphy blush!
As I got dressed, she asked with a mischievous glint in her eyes, "So, how was your first Brazilian? Although it doesn't really count as one because you didn't do the bumsee." Whatever!
So I got home and since I didn't opt to massage the area with oil or apply powder to the area after I had finished, as I went to use the bathroom, my underwear had decided to 'bond' with my skin so I had to 'peel' the poor thing off. It wasn't as if it was peeling off my skin with it but... Then after I used the bathroom, the toilet seat decided that it didn't want to divorce the area under my 'cheeks'! That wax went were it shouldn't have!
Anyway, in the event that you are considering doing a Brazilian wax, here are the benefits of the (you fill in the blank) procedure:
• Waxing is hygienic. It is the pubic region that is handled and pubic hair collects germs that can cause bad odors. Waxing your entire pubic region will dramatically reduce the risk of these problems. (Shaving can cause bumps, ingrown hairs and itching).
It reduces the effect of perspiration in that area. The area between your legs perspires and if you have pubic hair, the bacteria can nestle in that hair. If you are void of hair, the perspiration will be absorbed directly into your underwear, minimizing the chance of infection.
• Some say it is sensual as they experienced more intense orgasms after this type of waxing. (O…kay!).
• Many men love them. In one poll, 91 per cent of men said that they found it more attractive and erotic. (So you like a woman looking like she's 3 years old?…okay!).
The waxing takes at least 15 to 30 minutes to get done, which is fairly quick.
• The effects can last between three to six weeks. Shaving barely lasts one day. This is because the hair is removed from the root or the follicle, instead of cutting it at the level of the skin as with shaving.
• Any discomfort you may have felt during the first session is diminished each time you get one and your body gets used to it as the hair grows back finer and thinner.
All in all, the experience really wasn't as horrific as I thought it would have been. Maybe that's why I have scheduled an appointment for another one. Shaking my head… Women!