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Before you seek relationship advice

By Advice from Allan

Relationship pundits and relationship experts, in my opinion, do not always keep it real, well most of them anyway. I do understand that at times the person asking or seeking advice can be very sensitive to the responses received. I've learned that a certain amount of tact may be required but sometimes people need to hear the cold, hard facts. It's just what the doctor ordered and though you might not like what was said, it's more important to carefully examine what was said.

However, before you seek relationship advice, there is someone you need to check with first. After all no one knows your relationship situation better than that person. Before you seek advice you need to determine what your real issue is. If you are unhappy in the relationship, try to figure out the possible reason(s). What changed in your relationship? Did he? Did you? Do you think you've grown apart? Do you no longer spend quality time and if so why? Did you not love him initially but you thought you would grow to love him? What brought you two together initially, love, sex, pregnancy? Did he cheat, did you? Obviously, I cannot suggest all of the questions or the possible scenarios. I do know that if you are not happy in your relationship you ought to do something about it. By now you should know that the person you first need to consult before you seek relationship advice is you. Only you can articulate your situation and no one knows your relationship issue(s) better than you.

When seeking advice you need to understand that relationship advice is simply that — advice. It's up to you to decide what to do, if anything, with the advice you have received. The real purpose of relationship advice is to help you see or consider your situation from a different perspective or perspectives.

Sometimes people seek advice because they would like confirmation of an already agreed action in reaction to their relationship issue or they really don't know what to do. It's good to discuss your relationship issue(s) with a few others, sometimes under the guise of it being the situation of a friend, not you. You would do this (pretend it's for a friend) particularly with people you know because you don't want their bias advice. Sometimes no advice is better than bias advice; you want people to tell you what you need to hear not what you want to hear. Years ago I learned the importance of different perspectives on relationship situations. I was boneheaded and figured I knew it all and though I did not heed the advice given, it opened my eyes to the many different alternatives I had not previously considered or downright didn't know.

Of course depending on your relationship situation you would know if it's necessary to seek advice. Some of us have relationship thresholds which, once crossed, we know exactly what we are going to do hence no advice needed. I think we should all have some form of relationship threshold or boundary. It can prevent you from repeatedly falling victim to the same situation. Generally speaking, before you seek advice first look inward before looking outward.

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