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Dealing with his female friends

By Advice from Allan

It appears that most women are not comfortable with their man having a close female friend or many friends of the opposite sex. Whether it is directly voicing your concerns to him, your friends, or privately being apprehensive some women have dealt with the touchy subject of their man's relationship with his female friend(s). Perhaps, we have been wired to believe that a man and a woman cannot have a platonic relationship and that if they do then there is always that possibility of a sexual encounter — When Harry met Sally, thank you.

In our society the term 'friend' is not what we think or it is exactly what we think. My apologies for the ambiguity but let me clarify. Under the umbrella of friendship, people shelter genuine friends, friends with benefits and friends with whom they want to be intimate. I think when the rapper Biz Markie released his hit song "Just a Friend" he surmised what most people already knew — a 'friend' is not always really a friend.

If your man has a slew of female friends, it is not peculiar to be concerned about the extent and nature of his relationship with them. If you are perturbed you should let him know. Some men are 'chick magnets' and do have many female friends but that does not mean he is sleeping with any of them. In addition, some men have friendly, people-person type personalities that attract others. If you are uncomfortable with his female friend(s) try to determine the source of your concern. Are you jealous, insecure or both? Do they hang out or chat frequently? Does he communicate everything in your relationship to her? Is she attractive and are you threatened or intimidated by her looks?

Once you indicate that you are uncomfortable with his stable of women along with your reason(s), he should have a genuine conversation with you to help alleviate your concerns. This conversation should seek solutions which would normally involve some form of compromise. Telling your man to get rid of all his female friends is not a practical approach or solution. Most men will scoff at that idea, possibly become resentful, create a false solution for you but continue to see or talk to his friend(s).

If your man loves and cares about you he would set boundaries regarding his friends. Also, if they are genuine friends they will respect his wishes and your relationship. He should not let his female friends call him/the house late night/early morning hours to chat or catch up. Sometimes it's a very close/tight friendship with a female or females he went to school with and you should make allowances for that kind of friendship. He will also tell you that this is someone he has known long before he met you so most times there is no sense in trying to eradicate that friend. A coping mechanism for some women is to try and befriend his friends.

If you have a good man, you should not have to worry about anyone stealing him. Dealing with his female relationships is as much as dealing with you and the source of your particular concerns. A man that loves you will seek to remove your insecurities through compromise.

e-mail: wesleyallan@ymail.com

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