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FUNNY NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS… OR ARE THEY?

By By Nicole S Farrell

You know the drill… As the year grinds to a halt, we get all sentimental and think of what we could do differently in the new year.

Oddly enough, some of the resolutions we had in 1997 are the same resolutions we have for 2013! Saaaad… Usually, by March or May, we suck our teeth, throw our hands up and concede defeat. We go back to old habits and around July or August, we start making plans to revive those resolutions in the coming year.

We look back at our goals and laugh, shaking our heads at our maybe 'overachiever' mindset.

While we may not want to think of our resolutions as funny, we can poke fun at ourselves with our friends who may be just as guilty.

See if the following funny (and somewhat ridiculous) New Year resolutions courtesy happywink.org resonate with you in any way…

• Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my nightwear. Instead, I will move my computer/laptop into the bedroom. (This is a good one for self-employed persons!) • I will no longer waste my time reliving the past; instead I will spend it worrying about the future. • I will not bore my boss with the same excuse for taking days off or arriving late; I will think of new excuses. • I will do less laundry and use more deodorant. • I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water. • I will try to figure out why I 'really' need nine e-mail addresses. (I hope my friend, Kesha, reads this!) • I resolve to work with neglected children — my own. • I will stop sending e-mails, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person. • I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher. • I will think of a password other than "password". • I will not tell the same story at every get-together. • I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that guy who works with my mechanic sits next to me again, I'll tell him he stinks! • I will not hang around girls - they think you love them and that sucks. • Spend more time watching television and movies. • Read less. • Gain weight, at least 30 pounds. • Procrastinate more. • Spend less time at work. • Eat out more and stop bringing lunch from home more. • Even though the garbage is reeking, stop pretending it isn't time to take it out • Cease from drinking water instead of soft drinks just so I can eat a sweet snack after dinner. Seriously, just drink the Pepsi and get the sugar craving over with. • Set three alarms on my phone just so that I can turn the volume off after the first one. • Blame the dryer for my shirts not fitting well. I'm not taking away the possibility that the dryer shrunk my shirts but… Some of us need to learn how to laugh more. nfpeters3434@gmail.com

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