Sunday, January 21, 2018

I need some space


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Whether you think of it as a ploy by a man to let you go or leave the relationship, space is something we all sometimes need in a relationship. However, it should not be used as a deceptive way to see others, which sadly some people do.

When challenges/issues arise, and they will, in a relationship, communication is vital in terms of addressing and trying to rectify the problem(s). A failure to communicate is one guaranteed way of letting a relationship fail. Unfortunately, at times, even with frequent, frank, and honest communication the challenges remain. It is at this point that various other solutions are worth examining: professional counselling, talking to friends (to name a few) and having/creating some space.

Space or time away from your partner gives you an opportunity to focus on the issue at hand. If, for example, your partner cheated, remaining in close proximity could serve to make you angry each time you see him and that anger could fuel whatever decision you eventually make. The need for space is not only driven by a negative experience such as a cheating partner. Sometimes, a relationship does not appear to be living up to the expectations of both individuals and both may need to step away; create some space that would allow them to examine the relationship from a different perspective away from the influence of their significant other.

As I alluded to earlier, there is no need to abuse this space thinking of it as a break from your partner and a license for you to go out and see someone else, unless of course, the agreement for space was for each party to take a break and see other individuals.

If you have been given some space or you have decided to create your own space use that time to yourself wisely. Honestly try to ascertain what is wrong with your relationship, where is it headed, and most importantly examine the reasons why you wanted this space. Having some space in your relationship is not all about negativity.

Sometimes a relationship develops quickly and you feel you have lost control of the situation and there is a need to slow things down. Creating some space in such a scenario is perfect as it can help you avoid making further decisions in the heat of the moment. I am reminded of the lyrics of Chicago's "Hard To Say I'm Sorry" which begins with the lyrics "Everybody needs a little time away." Clearly not every time away from your partner is a bad thing. You need time to yourself, to hang out with friends, family etc without your partner. You need that space to be you, do some things that you want to do. I hope that in such a situation your partner is understanding and would not become suspicious or consumed by negative thoughts of you having ulterior motives.

The fact of the matter is that sometimes there are legitimate reasons for wanting some space in a relationship. When you feel the need for such, you should create some space explaining to your partner why you need it and utilize it in a meaningful manner.

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