Thursday, February 22, 2018

In search of better sex


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Ideally, sex alone should not be the cornerstone of a relationship. Yet, in many relationships a lack of good sex (relative of course) can and has resulted in partners seeking it elsewhere either while remaining in the relationship (cheating) or leaving it to find that good or better sex.

That good sex is relative and subjective is obvious; what is earth-shattering sex to one person is not necessarily to another. A couple with a fixed and regimented sex schedule may be just fine with it and that regimented schedule may be the glue to keeping them sexually grounded, connected, and satisfied. Most likely, a large percentage of readers may find the notion of fixed and regimented sex schedules and routines boring. Sex, it can be argued, should lend itself to spontaneity, the creation of different ambiences, and a vivid imagination. We often conjure up images of role play, prolonged foreplay, sex in unusual places, different positions, and the usage of sex toys as a means of spicing things up and ridding the bedroom of mundane routines.

If you are in search of better sex, if you want better sex let's go. How many times have you heard someone say that his/her partner does not satisfy them? How many times have you told someone that your partner does not satisfy you? How many times have you told your partner that he/she is not satisfying you? Most can agree that if your partner is unaware you are not being satisfied chances are he/she will think you are being satisfied. I do not want to hear the excuse, "Well, my partner should know." How should or would they know if you have not said anything? I admit that if you are reading a book, talking on the phone or watching TV while having sex that it should be a clue to your partner. However, in lieu of such obvious clues, your partner needs to be told.

The search for better sex begins with you sharing with your partner that you are not satisfied and you would like more out of sex with them. You should know what it is you feel you are missing or what you want. If you want to experiment with sex toys tell your partner. If at times you would love quick lunchtime sex tell your partner. If you are tired of that five-year-old missionary position every Tuesday and Friday night, tell your partner. If you want them to be dressed like a particular character or vice versa tell your partner. If you want sex on the beach, in the kitchen, in your office, in a hotel or wherever tell your partner.

Naturally, it would be awesome if your partner surprises you with any of the above or suddenly initiates some of your sexual fantasies. In most cases your partner does not know. Sexual discussions/suggestions with your partner should not be taboo. Unfortunately, I have heard from women and men that the suggestion of doing something new has evoked some surprisingly negative responses. Some partners have even accused the other of perhaps being unfaithful simply for suggesting they try something new. I have heard from women that suggesting the usage of sex toys to some men was met with the man thinking that he was not good enough. He sees the toy as his competition.

Whatever the response, the journey to better sex starts with that sexual conversation (sharing your sexual fantasies and desires) between you and your partner.