Finding a good mother-in-law is like looking for a needle in a haystack. They do exist, but it is difficult to find them. If you have one, count yourself lucky, for most women in relationships can identify with the mother-in-law horror stories.

The following are a few mother-in-law stories shared with Express Woman.

One woman said, "My mother-in-law does not speak to me at all. She calls my house and speaks to my husband and our children. At holiday time, she calls to speak with them and extends greetings to them. I might as well be wallpaper. She does not speak to me because she wanted to rule me in my own home and teach me to be a wife to my own husband and I put my foot down. My husband supports me though, and whenever she steps out of line he speaks to her about it."

Another said, "When I married, I lived with my in-laws for some time. My husband was a drunk and he was always liming. When pay-day came I would not see him for days. He had women all over the place. When I complained to my mother-in-law, she told me that as long as he was doing his duty by me and meeting his responsibilities then I should not complain. One night when I wanted to go out, I went to her like a good daughter-in-law and asked her permission. She told me that only one person could wear the pants in our relationship and that was my husband. That marriage did not last three months."

A third said, "Whenever I went to visit my mother-in-law with our kids, she would look at me like something she scraped from her shoe. She never spoke to me. Till the day she died, we never sat and talked like mother and daughter-in-law. Her problem with me was that I was in a relationship before I met her son and I had children from that union. She felt that I contaminated her son and took away his purity."

"When I was married, my mother-in-law just did not know how to let go," one woman complained. "My ex-husband and I were grown, married and with children and she still petted him publicly like a baby — it was nauseating. Added to that she was always insulting me and making snide comments about how I did not match up to her idea of a good wife for her son but that she would make do with what she got. Whenever my husband and I argued, she was always right there behind him with his golf cart and clubs, egging him on."

The stories were numerous, but most of the women agreed that when it came to mothers and their sons, no woman could ever be good enough.

"A mother-in-law may say she is not biased and that she would love and treat you like her own child, but she cannot help the fact that in her own eyes, her child can commit no sin and do no wrong," said one woman, married for over 18 years. "She would not be able to connect with you the outsider. She would always judge you. She would find fault with the way you approach things, she would always have a different and better way… and when her son does wrong, she is always willing to excuse it. She expects that when you marry you would fall into her footsteps."

So ladies, if you are a mother-in-law and not necessarily enjoying the best of relationships with your son's wife, the following are some tips. To those of you who have sons who may not yet be married, these tips can still serve as a guide.

Mothers-in-law should:

1. Understand that your children and their spouses have their own lives and would need their space. To see them, call and ask when they are available and respect the date and time that they confirm availability. Do not show up unannounced on their doorstep. Do not change plans midstream without discussing it with them. Being a good mother-in-law requires respect.

2. Understand that when it comes to in-laws, patience is a virtue. When it comes to a daughter-in-law, mothers must understand that they would often have opposing views about the son/ husband. Work on building a good relationship with your daughter-in-law. Do not react immediately to slights.

3. Ask before helping with dinner, housecleaning, or re-arranging the furniture at the home of your son and his wife.

4. Accept and learn that your daughter-in-law's generation, culture, nationality, age, and mindset are supposed to be different.

5. Talk openly, honestly, and humbly about miscommunications, arguments, or other conflicts with a daughter-in-law.

6. Be responsive to your daughter-in-law's needs and feelings even if you don't understand them.

7. Be impartial and fair.

8. Not give your daughter-in-law advice unless asked.

9. Not comment on your daughter-in-law's parenting, housekeeping, cooking, or relationship skills.

10. Not comment on your daughter-in-law's hair, clothes, weight, make-up, job, income, extracurricular activities, or cosmetic surgery (unless you're offering genuine, sincere compliments!)

11. Not hold a grudge or try to make her (your son's wife) or son feel guilty.

12. Not complain that your daughter in law is wasteful. A great mother in law keeps her opinions to herself.