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Sugar daddies & their sweethearts

By By Nicole S Farrell

Life may seem sweet with a sugar daddy for some women but does having a sugar daddy really make them happy women?

This is not a piece to cast judgment. Some women do it out of necessity and not excitement. I know, I am thinking what you're thinking. The thing is, every woman involved in this arrangement has a different story although it leads back to one thing. People call these women golddiggers, homewreckers and even 'glorified prostitutes'.

On a recent episode of the Steve Harvey talk show, a 28-year-old woman was featured. She was a sugar baby or a sugar daddy sweetheart as I call them. Her sugar daddy was 40 years her senior and she met him when she was 18 years old. From the onset, he showered her with jewelry, dinners at fancy restaurants, paid for her tuition and more.

After eight months or so, the acquaintanceship transitioned into a sexual one, when he told her that he had done all of these things for her; he wondered when she would do something for him. She knew what he meant and feeling guilty about the amount of money he had willingly spent on her, she encouraged the sex. At first, they met at hotels and then he started renting an apartment for 'her' and they would meet there for their encounters.

She eventually grew frustrated because, as women usually do, she got emotionally involved, and began resenting that she couldn't meet his children, see him when she wanted and just be a real part of his life. She began realising that she deserved more and wanted the husband and white picket fence with children.

As you know, Harvey or 'Uncle Steve' as I call him, has written two relationship-based books, Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man and Straight Talk, No Chaser. In these books and with guests, he tells it like it is. He told her the following points and women can take note:

The apartment that he gets is not for you, (the woman); it is for him. It is a regular spot that he really deems as more economical than renting hotel rooms all of the time. That place is for him to come to get what he wants. It's not yours, it's all for him and about him.

If you have a very young child, the babysitter he may want you to hire is so that the two of you won't be interrupted. It's the same if he encourages you to enrol the child at a daycare. It's not about wanting to make your life easier; it's about making his time more efficient.

Every act he does means something to him and him alone. It's not about him caring for you and wanting the best for you. He knows what you want and/or need and is simply investing in you so that he can secure what he really wants.

The guest on the talk show was obviously pained about her situation and Harvey even enlisted the help of a woman who was a former mistress to help her gain independence.

It is understandable how one can get sucked into being a sugar baby. You might probably get everything your heart desires but at the end of the day, will that be enough for you? Most women I've known and known of who were sugar babies, claimed that after some time you feel cheap and unsatisfied. The childlike joy evaporates and reality sets in: 'I have a lot but not much'. Sounds contradictory, doesn't it?

Many women often say that they end up with feelings for the man and that's where the trouble starts. They want to spend the birthdays, anniversaries and special holidays with the man but being married, he can't divide his time on those days.

I remember years ago, a co-worker told me about a young woman in her early 20s who began a relationship with a married sugar daddy.

He rented an apartment for her in one of Trinidad's most affluent neighbourhoods and furnished it with the finest of pieces; gave her a hefty monthly allowance and extra money for shopping; bestowed her with a credit card, the bill being paid by him; purchased an expensive car for her and paid for her travel to whichever country of her choice every year.

After several years, she began experiencing emptiness and wanted to be with someone whom she could totally have to herself. She was torn though; if she left him, she would surely have to abandon the life to which she had grown accustomed with his finances. Mild depression set in.

I don't know if you remember Lisa Fischer. She said that she was involved with a married man and her hit "How Can I Ease The Pain" spoke of that emotional roller coaster that seems inevitable in such circumstances. Review the following excerpts:

All alone, on my knees I pray

For the strength to stay away

In and out, out and in you go

I feel your fire

Then I lose my self control

Every time that I let you in

You take away something deep within

A fool for love is a fool for pain

But I refuse to love you again

If it's not love you've come here for

Tell me, baby, why you're here?

Knock, knock, knockin at my door

I can't take it no more

No more, no more, no more, baby

Give me all or nothing at all

I need to know how

How can I, ease it

Life with a sugar daddy can leave you feeling sour but let's think of it as candy and cavities; with your sugar daddy and the sweet life he offers, a black hole is sure to manifest.

nfpeters3434@gmail.com

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