Tools

The point system men didn't know about

By By Nicole S Farrell

There is a line that more and more are saying: Happy wife, happy life. Funny though, in spite of how much men know that there are certain things they should do, they usually seem to hit the halfway mark…although sometimes it's really not their fault, I admit. Trying to figure out women can be as tricky as trying to pull back up your Carnival stockings within the constraints of a 'mobile john' while the 'wee wee' truck driver steps on the brakes every five seconds!

A friend sent me an email recently and it struck me as to how true and telling it was about women. Men, as much as it's about how women view things, it can give you some insight regarding what not to do.

Honestly, the main set of rules is as follows: Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You ABSOLUTELY don't get any points for doing something she expects. Tough but that's how the cookie crumbles.

According to the email, this is non-exhaustive to the point system:

• Add some creative romance to your daily lives • Subtract the 'Whatever!' attitude from your reaction to her indecision as to whether to buy the 'deep red' lipstick or the 'sunset tomato' lipstick' • Divide your time equally between her and your friends • Multiply your compliments of her looks and cooking With that formula, all should be well. Good luck! nfpeters3434@gmail.com You make the bed. (+1) You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillows. (-10) You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-3) You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) You go in the rain (+8) But you return with only beer. (-5) You check out a suspicious noise at night. (+1) You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing. (0) You check out a suspicious noise and it is something. (+5) You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10) It turns out it's her pet dog (-20) You stay by her side for the entire party. (+1) You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend. (-2) The old friend's name is Tina (-10) She finds out Tina is a dancer. (-10) She also finds out that Tina has breast implants. (-40) You take her out to dinner. (+2) You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar. (+3) Okay, it IS a sports bar. (-2) And it's an 'all-you-can-eat' night. (-3) It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team. (-10) You take her to a movie. (+1) You take her to a movie she likes. (+5) You take her to a movie you hate. (+6) You take her to a movie you like. (-2) It's called 'Death Cop.' (-3) You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. (-15) You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15) You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10) You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. (-30) You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-80) She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what) You hesitate in responding. (-10) You reply, "Where?" (-35) You give any other response. (-20) When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (+2) You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50) You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500) She realises this is because you have fallen asleep. (-4000)

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