It's so strange, the characters you come across around Carnival time. And I am not speaking about the usual Midnight Robber or Dame Lorraine. Last week I had the pleasure of meeting with the Carnival equivalent of Sherlock Homes and his trusted pal Dr Watson. These two men also known as Leslie "Tiger" Fitzpatrick (former Soca Warrior) and Keino O'Neil (popular businessman) assumed these two roles last year when they embarked on a mission to investigate and unravel the true identity of the Trini Carnival Woman. "Our subjects of observation were our girlfriends, female family members, friends and the ordinary woman on the street. It was an intense journey but we enjoyed and embraced the challenge and trek!" claimed Fitzpatrick. O'Neil declared that they didn't start from zero though- "We knew a lot before we started. I used to marvel at how women behave around Carnival time. It's as if they were transformed into new beings as soon as the first Carnival tune hit the radio. Under the magnifying glass, I was blown away at how differently men view Carnival when compared to women!" The twosome's mission was all part of a vision to do a section for the Oasis Mas Band, called Yen, which they successfully launched last year. Now, mere weeks before the Greatest Show on Earth, Yen is receiving great attention from local women and media houses alike. But back to the investigation. Here are the findings uncovered in their quest and perhaps you the reader can be the judge as to whether their hypotheses are proven fact or fiction.

What Women want... the Carnival Edition: Findings

1. Women feed off group behaviour, they move in packs. So they won't go to a fete if their girls' crew not there. They don't play mas unless they consult their playing pack, hence why it's so important that they play with a band where they don't lose their friends. They want to command in a pack; to court new romantic interests in a pack; and even to wine in a pack; Exhibit A: Diva conga lines on top the side walk walls Carnival Monday and Tuesday.

2. Women don't dress up for men alone around Carnival time. They dress up for women and to be the envy of women too. Before the road or a fete they silently observe what their friends are wearing and then plot to outdo and exceed. At the actual event they look around and compare and contrast whether they look better than every female, fashion rivals or not. This can be done singularly at times or in their packs!

3. Women like to attract the attention of the hot bodied men and perhaps take a wine. However, they do not expect the same to be the formula for action for their significant others. The bone of contention around Carnival time with 'Yuh Man' is not him observing a well endowed female or even if he is a supremely confident taking a 'Wine'; it is the length and intensity of 'D Wine'! Nothing can evoke a fete-ending argument or Carnival Monday/Tuesday blowout like a 'spousal more-than-one-song grind'!

4. Women have different kinds of wine that they administer during Carnival. There is the: (a) 'lil chook'- a wine that they give because is Carnival and furthermore, they don't bother to see who on the bumper but will move as soon as they realise.

(b) 'd courtesy' — given to a man in the band who you feel comfortable with and is Carnival, so you give him a lil wine. (c) 'd regular'- given over the course of the two days to 'return winers' who may be friends, somebody who you met in the band and allyuh connect, or to a man you have designs on which leads to the.....

(d) 'd invitation'- a lil longer and more intense wine sending a message to the man to pursue and proceed a lil more than a regular Carnival wine, and finally...

(e) 'd showstopper'- this is a wine that can end up with the man on the ground or plastered to a wall and leaves no doubt in the guy's mind that she is his on d road.

5. Women tend to believe that it is truly plausible and possible to get into great shape in 4 to 6 weeks before Carnival whereas they would never contemplate that as an option at any other point during the year. They want that 'bess body' and go through great lengths and pains to achieve it.

6. Women want clean 'wee wee trucks'. A band with a great reputation for clean and easily accessible 'wee wee trucks' already has a step up on other bands because not everyone has an 'aunty or nen nen' living in Woodbrook that they could stop to use the bathroom, re-apply make-up, get the cool mist from the truck, and still aint miss a beat of the music.

7. Women want Jouvert! Women love the freedom of Jouvert. The ability to douse themselves in cocoa, or paint, or oil and free up without any inhibitions is something that no one can deny a woman. Jouvert unleashes a certain level of energy that might be only seen at one other time in Carnival (this will be explored in point 11). The feeling of anonymity afforded by Jouvert also makes women feel free.

8. Women want a comfortable rest stop. They want a place they can rock back and relax their feet on Monday and Tuesday after hours of the morning and mid-afternoon chip. A place they can take off their shoes/boots to eat, talk to all their peeps, catch up on the gossip, and get ready to hit the streets again.

9. Women want pictures!! Women want to be on the front page of every newspaper, magazine, online site etc with their pack, showing off all their pretty hair, clothes, make-up, shoes, and on Monday and Tuesday, all their pretty mas.

10. Women want security and the ropes!! They want to know they can wine with reckless abandon and not be concerned with someone not in the band coming to thief a wine because on most occasions that wine is 'd chook' and who wants to turn around and see a stranger who is not even in the band taking full flight on their bumper.

11. Last but not least; (drum roll please....) Women want 'D STAGE'! After observing the energy and vigour with which masqueraders, and particularly female masqueraders attacked 'D STAGE' at the Savannah after years of not having it, we have realised that the stage truly is the culmination and high point of what women want for Carnival. It all leads up to this and all the pointers on what women want is on full display on Monday and Tuesday when women hit 'D STAGE'!

How can Yen and Oasis satisfy these needs? "The Yen experience and Oasis Mas Band gives you an intimate experience (you won't lose your friends), pretty sexy costumes (for your hot body after weeks of hard workouts), a cadre of attractive male masqueraders, tight security (for if your boyfriend or husband wining too much), premium drinks and food, a liberal atmosphere and last but not least, an experience which sets the stage for "De Stage"!