The hustle in areas across the country on Valentine's Day always amuses me. Walk along the main streets after 4 p.m. and observe adult males pondering over miniature teddy bears coupled with mini chocolates. Isn't that for teenagers? Wait…I am not even sure a teenager would like that. Then there is the 'large chocolate' gift. Blah. While we have individual examples of our desires, men and women want the same things in each of their categories.
Ladies, you haven't gotten away. What do you get for your mister? Valentine's Day isn't just about us collecting gifts or being treated. Men don't care for mushy cards or heart pendant jewelry but there are things that you can do or get for your guy, regardless of age, race or economic status:
A bottle of his favourite alcohol: Warning! Unless it's favoured by both of you, don't expect him to share it with you. He's likely to share it with Jim, James, Paul…and Tyrone! (What you didn't know: men don't care for gifts that they can use with you or reminds them of you).
Lack of clothing: Skin is always in. He isn't concerned if you're serving macaroni and cheese in a used dog bowl. He will actually be salivating over the prospect of wild meat and roasted chicken…
A long, massage: Here's a secret… He won't let it be long. Please do not wear the holey, stained, stretched-out company T-shirt that you usually wear.
Work his likes in with your likes: For instance, women like candles, romantic music and rent-a-tile dancing. You're going to have to compromise a bit, especially if your guy isn't quite the romantic. So use the candles but choose some bump-and-grind music with a lot of bass, maybe from R Kelly. Instead of begging him to dance, YOU DANCE for him. Wear some heels and a sexy outfit that you're comfortable in. He'll do whatever you want for the next two weeks – without even being asked! Hey, two weeks; take it or leave it! One note though; please ensure that your children can't walk into the room. You don't want any of your children needing therapy!
What else could he possibly want? The cookie! Initiate the serving of the cookie. Men don't run from the risk of cavities or a sugar rush.
Ultimately, people crave intimacy. Women, men love attention too. Destiny's Child had the idea in their song, "Cater 2U":
Let me help you
Take off your shoes
Untie your shoe strings
Take off your cufflinks
What you wanna eat, boo?
Let me feed you
Let me run your bathwater
Whatever your desire, I'll aspire
Sing you a song
Turn my game on
I'll brush your hair
Help you put your do-rag on
Want a foot-rub?
You want a manicure?
Baby I'm yours, I want to cater to you, boy
Let me cater to you
'Cause baby this is your day
Do anything for my man
Baby, you blow me away
I got your slippers, your dinner, your dessert and so much more
Anything you want, just let me cater to you…
Let me hold you in my arms…
Boy, is there something you need me to do?
If you want it (I got it)
Say the word (and I'll try it)…
Do you think any man will object to this treatment?! Ladies, it's just one day, would it kill you?
Now for the men. Bottomline, don't carry us to the same restaurant that you've been taking us to for the past six(teen) years; don't buy things like cake and ice cream (are we four years old?) and no more flowers!
My suggestion if you're not romantically inclined, is to create a romantic space and play Lionel Richie's "Truly". Look into her eyes until your eyes bleed from forced focus. Smile and caress the small of her back. Don't talk, you might spoil it! Even if she was mad at you all week, she will melt and fall in love with you all over again. (Please don't leave the toilet seat up for at least two days after, otherwise, that love session will automatically and instantly become null and void!)
The lyrics, coupled with the melody, can flutter almost any woman's heart:
Girl, tell me only this
That I'll have your heart for always
And you want me by your side
Whispering the words I'll always love you
And forever I will be your lover
And I know if you really care
I will always be there
Now I need to tell you this
There's no other love like your love
And I, as long as I live,
I'll give you all the joy
My heart and soul can give
Let me hold you
I need to have you near me
And I feel with you in my arms
This love will last forever
Because I'm truly
Truly in love with you, girl
I'm truly head over heels with your love
I need you, and with your love I'm free
And truly, you know you're alright with me
We'll take that any day over our man manoeuvring his eyebrows up and down quickly, saying, "Leh we do it nah?"