Friday, January 19, 2018

What women really like


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Well, here we are again. "Tis the day before New Year's Eve (as it is called in most of the Caribbean), or "Old Year's Night" (as it is called in T&T). Whatever you wish to call it, it will be the day before the last day and evening of the year. And what a year this has been.

But we are all so happy that the 21st December 2012 has passed and the "soothsayers" who predicted the end of the world were dead wrong, as usual. A few years ago a date for the end of mankind was flying around the world, but particularly in the Caribbean where some unscrupulous "Ministers" and/or "Pastors" from some unidentifiable religions were busy converting sinners to receive grace before the end. Of course, the poor gullible ones paid much money and when nothing happened, it was too late to collect from the unholy scamps who scampered off with their ill-gotten gain and I am told many new cars.

But on another note, I was approached by a very nice lady in one of the malls who charmingly told me that she always thought I was unapproachable (sorry about that and really hope that hers is not a general impression). I am, in fact, most approachable! But Mrs X wanted me to write on the lack of romance and thoughtfulness by some husbands to their wives in the giving of gifts.

This is her story:

"I am happily married and we are quite comfortable, we are not living hand to mouth at all and I even have someone to help me at home, but my husband ignores any hints that I give him about gifts for me and insists on giving me what he wants to give me. For my birthday this year, I got a washing machine. For our anniversary I got a dryer for clothes. On another occasion he said he was just thinking of me and brought home a new Master Blender and for Christmas I got a new Shark vacuum! Just what's going on?"

What's going on indeed! This husband of hers has appliances, appliances and appliances stamped in his brain and alas, seems to think that he can chain her to hearth and home with "things" not only for her ease and efficiency but could the bottom line be for his comfort? Does he want to ensure that his clothes are washed and dried properly ("look out" I told her, "he will soon be giving you a new iron and quantities of starch to make sure his shirts are looking very crisp"), his vegetables and fruit are chopped and liquefied correctly and wants her to make sure that there is not one ounce of dust anywhere because the Shark will gobble up all.

Husband, husbands all over Trinidad and Tobago, today is the second-to-last day of the year. If you are one of those appliance husbands or partners of some lovely lady, for heaven's sake get out of the couch or armchair, turn off that new TV (that you probably gave her last year), and go SHOPPING for her.

Here is a list:

Jewelry (that you know she likes).

Perfume, perfume, body lotions,

Silk scarves, stoles.

Monogrammed writing paper.

A painting on which she has her eyes.

A beautiful sequined jacket.

A flowing skirt.

First edition books.

Her most needed apps.

Gym membership and body suits for gym.

Evening dresses to die for.

So start the New Year gentlemen with a new attitude, be more romantic, give her flowers, and buy a beautiful CD for her with songs you both like. Forget the "Appliance Attitude." End the year with romance.

What's that you are saying Mr X? You were planning to give her a kit she can keep in her car with detailed instructions on how to change a tire herself? Or what? You have been looking at a really modern weed wacker and smooth new pair of garden shears? Are you completely mad? Look, be serious about the gifts you give your lady this year... Carnival is very early next year and you would not want some other man sensing her dissatisfaction! IT IS NOT TOO LATE TO GIVE HER A GIFT SHE WILL NEVER FORGET. This is serious; all men need to know what most women really like!

Have a safe and blessed New Year, be careful when and where you party. Hug up your children please.

Good health for 2013. Join me next year?